my life in books

The Wall by John Lanchester

A dystopian near-future that is directly linked to an actual crisis: climate change. the seas have risen, the refugees want in. But a wall holds the hoards back, and the young adults of the country are mandated to serve 2 years as defenders on that wall. 

I'm surprised this wasn't classified as YA; the young characters disdain the older generations, parent and politician alike. the moral superiority of the 'Others' seems based on their current victimhood as virtual slaves (unpaid help) or innocent would-be refugees (attackers). But we never actually meet an organized group of 'Others' trying to overcome the wall to explain their desire to get in. we do meet an isolated family (good) and a group of pirates (bad) that live on the sea, but nothing that explains the targeted and well-planned attacks... There is a lot of so-called civility built into this society that could have been noted and dissected, like their policies and punishments that avoid directly putting people to death: apprehended refugees can choose to be euthanized or live as 'Help', failed defenders are put to sea (with ample supplies and solemn handshakes), and procreating is an immediate release from service which begs the question: why isn't everybody choosing THAT?

The Times I Knew I was Gay by Eleanor Crewes

A coming of age graphic novel about a reluctant-to-admit lesbian (even in the title) that mostly read like a coming of age story of about 85% of teens/young adults. Not feeling a sense of belonging, being teased in school, wondering when the 'right' feelings are going to kick in, sucking at dating - all things that are common for most adolescents. never ostracized for her ultimate and numerous declarations of being gay (her friends, her brother, her parents are all equally and immediately supportive), it never feels like a triumph of identity when it's your own wishy-washiness that's holding you back. in fact, when she finally has clarity and becomes firm in her sexual identity, she flippantly refers to her 'long years of false hetero hell' which doesn't really jive with how she portrays her life in the first 2/3rds of the book with good friends, a stable family, and positive role models.

Blindness by Jose Saramago

the plot alone of this book makes a great hook: a dystopian future brought about by contagious blindness. it's got all the hallmarks of a survival story without invoking zombies or a plague. when a character worries that fear of going blind might actually cause the blindness (and then goes blind), the reader becomes doubly afraid for themselves; it's no longer a book you are reading but an immediate and tangible Armageddon that could befall you in the next second. 

 this book reminded me of The Alchemist in that it has a loose story structure where many contemplations hang. there must be something about the Portuguese language that makes it compatible with philosophical thinking; perhaps there is an abundance of proverbs? There were many proverbs about sight or being blind, both explicit and implied, in the story. And even that was an exercise in philosophy because so many of our touchstones and sayings that take for granted sight become meaningless. and shared meaning is the basis of language so a lot of language disappears with the loss of sight, which leads to a type of loss in humanity, or at least what humanity used to be before the world losses it's sight. 

The End of Gender by Dr Debra Soh

first off, this author was smart to include so many footnotes/references to back-up her claims AND she encouraged all readers to look up the studies themselves and draw their own conclusions. But it irked me that she inserted herself (and her personal opinions - which we all know can be divorced from fact) into the book. what does the merits of the author - pro gay rights, heavy attender of drag shows, appearing very feminine but possessing many masculine traits - matter to the thesis? it's another case of prioritizing the messenger rather than the message. Heck! she even sidebars that, when researching whether to 'believe' scientific studies, we should first look into the author's academic department and if their bio contains the buzzwords like inequity or lived experience! Please, please, bring back science that follows the principle of scientific inquiry 

many times I was unsure if she wanted to abolish gender or reinforce it, because the title implies the desire to 'end' it but she successfully argued for gender being very much linked to biology, at least for 98% of humanity (and even some animals!) Dr Money's poor David Reimer, evolutionary biology/psychology, and my own observations of my children contradict the popular 'gender is a social construct' mantra. 

the biggest weakness of the book is probably also it's greatest strength: it is written in layman's terms for people who are just coming to this subject. but I'm a person who is well versed in these arguments, so it seemed overly facile in many spots (especially concerning intact male bodies in women's prisons)

Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan

I usually avoid John Green. His writing voice is identical to his narrator voice from his Crash-Course World History youtube and it quickly becomes grating. So when I saw the title (good title - Will Grayson, Will Grayson - John Green is great at titles) AND a co-author, I was ready to dip my toe back into his schmaltzy world without even reading the synopsis on the back. (and for all my criticisms, JG knows how to write a first kiss: channeling us all back to wobbly knees and highschool. how does he keep those memories alive? well, that's a worry for another day) 

the other author was a tad darker, and they took alternating chapters. while it originally looked like David Levithan was invited for his gay guns (more like his gay shield as no author can now command a voice that doesn't match his own set of identities) he tried to hit more than one note for his characters, delving into class issues, and living with diagnosed depression. He had the more compelling story even if, stylistically, his grammar was juvenile and conspicuously absent of capitalization (full disclosure, I embraced this style in my teens and early 20s, even going so far as to write 'me' as my signature on letters, so i readily balk at it)

anyhow, the format was successful and the set-up of how they meet was inspired, but the musical plot device took over to the point of dominance and made the ending really drag. specifically the ending was one long pep talk (lecture?) that didn't work on me.

Radicalized by Cory Doctorow

I was ready to love this book b/c 'Little Brother' and 'For the Win' were amazing novels that both reflected the times we're in, and taught me a lot (about computers, networks, unions, economics and much more). Plus I truly admire his principles in action where copyright is concerned. But maybe I've grown-up, and he hasn't? This set of short stories is classified as fiction (his other novels are under YA) but the jargon and pat-phrases were so contemporary as to be meaningless. I mean, saying a character doesn't have any fucks to give only locates the story firmly in 2019/2020; it doesn't actually contribute to character insight – is it frustration? bravado? a signal they're 'cool'?

I now question my own admiration for Doctorow's stories – I read Little Brother in 2010 and For the Win in 2012 when I was firmly in the culture's hegemony – I now read more critically and more deeply into subjects. there is no neat line between the good guys and the bad. 

Now for the specifics: I thought the underpinnings of 'Unauthorized Bread' was genius: licensing and jail-breaking of appliances, and the monetization of refugee programs are right in the Doctorow wheelhouse and were fleshed out well. The ending was juvenile but the bones were good. 'Model Minority' was too reminiscent of 'The Boys' and didn't really do anything other than stew in white guilt. 'Radicalized' made me wonder, in surprise, why no one has tried domestic terrorism wrt health care (Doctorow explains that himself when he reveals local police are now informed when an insurance claim is refused). He then cheats with an ending that is supposed to be 'happy' when it is entirely chilling that the message is: violence works. 'The Masque of the Red Death' was the weakest piece with an almost glee at designating a bad guy and watching him fail.

The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead

very well done, but then again, this book won the Pulitzer so it doesn't need me to establish it's credentials

Elwood is an earnest, bright boy. He devours MLK's words and is singled out as college-ready. A piece of random bad luck sets him in a reformatory school, and naiveite makes the situation worse. After a fellow student is introduced, Elwood as narrator seems to fade in and out. It is an absolute triumph to foreshadow the plot-twist thru this device. add the poetic, full-circle ending and this was deeply satisfying read.

Painted Girls by Cathy Marie Buchanan

depressing core plots that exactly, and thematically, spell out that women born into low circumstance cannot rise above their station. worst than that, the 3 sisters all take very different routes but all end up prostituting themselves (with the added insult that they that don't consider it oppression because it is a voluntary choice - ha) Also, there seems to be some retroactive morality placed on Degas (yes, the famous painter) based on his exhibiting the criminal portraits with the young dancer; that is quite a stretch. 

ultimately, the author was heavy-handed with the theme, failed at fully showing the sisters' motivations and relationships, and too easily glossed over financial stewardship.

Olive Again by Elizabeth Strout

another excellent outing of Olive Kitteridge - and maybe even better with such timely details like Trump, the 'educate yourself' admonishment, and social media.

The Pull of the Stars by Emma Donoghue

like Room, most of the action happens on one day in the fever maternity ward of an irish hospital in the middle of the 1918 pandemic. and with the chapters called Red, Brown, Blue, Black (the progressive colours of influenza to death), you knew there was a death coming 

I quite enjoyed all the nurse and maternity tidbits included in the plot, but the gay-out-of-nowhere was just that. out of nowhere. in fact, given the large age difference, i'll bet some progressives might even call it problematic. i'm guessing the love interest turn was to make the death be that much more shocking and heartfelt, but doesn't anyone's death merit an emotional response? why wouldn't the reader mourn a very short friendship? a very hard life?

Normal People by Sally Rooney

a book about 2 people who keep being drawn to each other despite their huge difference in family background and wealth. It starts in highschool where he's the big man on campus, too embarrassed to be seen with her, the ever awkward weirdo. the roles reverse in college when she is suddenly on top on the social scene, and over and over again, thru poor communication, they break up to save face, only to resume their relationship when they run into each other. when she turns to sado masochism and he falls into a deep depression and starts seeing a therapist, I had great hopes for their future happiness but no, the book ends with the same not-telling-the-truth. it was too sad.

the only strength I found was in the portrayal of modern life: the bewilderment of leaving public grief statements on the facebook page of a dead fellow student, the ribbing among adolescent boys as well as their deplorable brags (showing nude pics of the their girlfriend), the abundance of casual sex, even casual relationships in that no one seems to stay single for long; everyone hooked up with a partner without truly knowing them or even wanting to know them. in that way, the romance of this couple was distinctly modern: there seemed little in the way of jealousy over past sexual relationships, that it was understood that sex was not even a big deal. the romance lay in their deep connection that they found with no other. (except of course, they are unable to communicate that to the other)

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

I only picked this up after I heard Oprah dropped it from her book club. after the fiasco of American Dirt, she said she wasn't going to shy away from controversy per say, but she wouldn't actively court it either. so yeah, of course I had to see what the potential backlash would have been. in a nutshell, it's a girl who was groomed by her high school teacher, fell in love with him and had sex with him. but the interesting parts are the details that are inconvenient: they keep this relationship for 7 years, and even though the leechy teacher tries to initiate the same process with other young girls, Vanessa can be correct when she sees their relationship as singular and special. this is her interpretation that allows her to reconcile the damage and abuse she has suffered. the book ends with her confronting some of that damage, but it's not a linear path; the reader feels that she will always be conflicted about this huge chunk of her life, and maybe that's where Oprah did not want to tread: an abuse victim that doesn't fit into our narratives. I mean, if we are supposed to allow women the autonomy to choose sex work, why do we shut down her interpretation of her own life? either 'society' knows best in all, or individuals do. you can't have it both ways. this book is a challenge for anyone because it doesn't finish with a tidy ending, ie Vanessa doesn't fully capitulated to the reader's (or the critics) understanding of Vanessa's life.

A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles

historical fiction covering the overthrow of the tsar to the world wars in Russia. didn't know much about Russian history so it was a delight to read / listen to. the writing style, befitting a gentleman, was quite formal so it listening meant I didn't need that period of adjustment to get the author's flow. I especially like the part when, as a detached former aristocrat, the count feels he is slowly becoming invisible and plans to kill himself with a ritualistic countdown. but then he is distracted by idea of honey bees and the next we see him, he is transformed into a working man, a fixture of the hotel, with concrete connections to the staff and a renewed purpose. the count adapted to his every circumstance, as history unfolded in Russia.

American Dirt by Jeanine Cummins

long before I read the book, I read about the hype: the cultural appropriation of the tale and the author's subsequent book tour being cancelled on the grounds of safety. it's probably the first time that twitter cancel culture spilled out into the streets and the publishers were worried about optics (and by the way, that's where the blame lies. if the complaint is that a different ethnicity should have written the story, then the publisher should go get one. I will always believe an artist is allowed the full scope of their imagination)

anyhow, it's quite a riveting tale - alternating between the present harrowing escape from Mexico while fleeing a murderous drug cartel, and a past tense quasi romance-friendship that developed between the protagonist and the drug lord. personally, I could do with less of the romancy stuff but I think the author was trying the give it a theme that no one person is all bad or all good, or at the very least tries to humanize a monster that killed her whole family with the exception of her son.

maybe she got the specific details wrong (another criticism levelled at her) but she was successful in teaching me about the real dangers the migrants face, the incredible attempts of charities along the way, and putti human faces and stories on people who often only portrayed as headlines.

Such A Fun Age by Kiley Reid

this book is very NOW with it's opening scene, filmed by a busybody SJW, and ripe for twitter's cancel culture. so yes, that is where we are. But where might we *want* to be? (this is why I read books; to learn something outside myself or about myself) But this book delivers indictment after indictment; no hope on the horizon

we've got an aimless 25 yo who happens to be black, her privileged white woman boss, her black-fetishizing white boyfriend, a black friend of the privileged white woman openly called Uncle Tom Tamra, and lots & lots of microaggressions. there is NO positive example of meaningful relationships between black and white people. Even the central and tender relationship between the 3 yo child and her babysitter is dismissed by the last sentence of the book when the babysitter projects that little girl into her future, privileged self.

Mistakes to Run With by Yasuko Thanh

A memoir from a woman who must have lived with undiagnosed mental illness for 20+ years. not feeling a connection with her family, she easily fell into prostitution by 15 with her boyfriend acting as her pimp. or maybe i'm getting the chronology wrong, because the book is heavily focused on her thoughts, feelings, and interpretations of what she experienced. I know she never felt close with her parents and yet she does see them, amicably, on occasion and even needed them to deliver weekly groceries to ensure she and her 2 children didn't starve.

i think I bookmarked the novel to be read as a tale of surviving prostitution, and I don't even mind the haphazard, jumping way she describes her experiences with drugs, abuse and sex work (it makes sense these vignettes would be compartmentalized in her mind) but once she became a mom, it was hard to withhold my judgement. While I admire her ability to admit she saw children as way to enrich her scope of experience and thereby improve her writing, she never does reconcile that bit of honesty with the flesh and blood before her that are a joy and burden to love.

mostly, the writing was too self centered, with the occasional crystal clear moment of an interaction with someone 'other'. she is deeply interested in how her mind and spirit work and it's not as accessible to people on the outside.

Girl, Woman, Other by Bernardine Evaristo

it took a bit to adjust to the writing style as there were no capitalizations at the start of statement, no periods at the end of sentences - just new text on the following line. it's been proposed the style is to mimic texting, or tweets and if that is the case - i'm going to hate reading in the future. Also, with so many characters and no central pivot point, I did getting confused about who was who. One last negative comment: some sections were more like philosophical treatises on feminism and gender ideology - they stuck out like a sore thumb 

so most of the stories are about black women. and even when I thought it was a white woman, I was wrong and it made me question why I *need* to have a race specified in order to not see the character as white. So I held my imagination at bay after that mistake but then I erred in the other direction: I came across a white women, but I didn't believe she was white until her chapter was half done. turns out it's really difficult to hold your imagination at bay - it's probably why authors DO describe their characters. it's a entry point to the story

the only other thing I want to add is that I was satisfied that a wide variety of issues were covered in the stories - yes, female empowerment but also the existence of abuse in the lesbian community. the girl who rises above her limited childhood (and gang rape) but also the ignored sacrifices and lives of parents. the romanticism of marriage and also the fallout of sexism. classism as a spectrum of race, money, culture,language patterns and anything else someone deigns to judge you on as other. the young (uniquely) able to talk about race and religion effortlessly.

Testimony down by Anita Shreve

great name for a tale that is told by a number of narrators. a private school community is reeling after a video surfaces showing students, 3 boys and a girl, having drunken sex. there's impact on them as well as their parents, the school administrator and even the town. the shifting focus as we flip narrators kept me interested right to the end.

The Story of Arthur Truluv by Elizabeth Berg

I really enjoyed berg's the day I ate everything and so I expected something more than a warmed-over 100 year man who went ou the window.

the character are a widower who pines for his wife by visiting her grave daily, his next door neighboor to bakes entirely too many cookies and cakes for anyone to eat, and a rebellious (not really) pregnant teenage girl who has a not-properly-explained poor relationship with her single parent father. the baker next door had all the hallmarks of the day I ate whatever I wanted, so maybe I've vaulted berg into a better writer than she is. as for the cute, toothless old men routine - i'm sick of it. 

All Things Consoled by Elizabeth Hay

an at times brutally honest memoir of her parent's lives and their final months in her (somewhat) care, being placed in a nursing home a short walk away from the author's home. The prose was often beautiful, the honesty was overwhelming; it was like she was finally released from her parents' judgement/feelings and just faced her memories of them head on

it made me think of how my mother has both the privilege and burden to be seen as a single entity. when I age and my kids think of me, it will likely be as a half of a whole - mom & dad - never as a person in my own right.